Competition

if there is one thing i cant stand it is mom competition. i think it is everywhere. i mean sure there are things that i see moms do that i think is SO odd like:

• why is your 6 year old still drinking from a sippy cup?!!!!
• why cant your 12 serve them self at a party
• why do you cut your 7 year old child's food up for them.
• is there a reason your 10 year old son came up interrupted your conversation by smacking you in the arm (i have a friend whose child ALWAYS hits them it is the oddest thing ever!)
• why do moms feel they have to discuss for 10 minutes the reason we shouldn't ______ (you feel in the blank)
• why cant they have birthday cake and a candy from the party bag
• why  do you laugh when your kids are blatantly being disrespectful
• why can one of your kids always do fun stuff but the other never can even breath right

the list goes on and on......... but whatever we may not agree on parenting but it doesn't make your view wrong and mine right or vice versa

my hubbie hates going to the park because he says all the moms are watching everyone else's kids, fishing for compliments like "oh your son is so cute, well behaved, etc etc..."  he hates it, i never realized it until last time we went and he wanted to leave 10 minutes after getting there. i am the mom who lets my kids run and around the park, be loud if you want i rather have them scream there then in my house or car right? then there are parents who are like "little Joey dont run you might fall" uhhhh you are in a park what is the big deal kids fall they get hurt, they get cut, sometimes they bleed. big whoop plop a band aid on and call it good. 

i read this post today LOVED it!!! especially the sunscreen part, my kids swim a minimum of 2 hours a day that is just at swim practices, usually it is more like 4. we ive in CA it gets over 100 degrees regularly they are tan..... hello! what is the crime?! they wear sunscreen but not SPF 60 every 20 minutes.

i think it all comes down to mom competition we all feel we have something to prove and we are already so competitive with other women/ moms that we cant even allow our kids to be kids. i don't care raise your kids how you want but please don't find me on the playground and tell me "excuse your son crowded my son down the slide, or touched my son" unless he threw him down and the kid needs to go to the hospital why cant we let kids deal with it, mommy doesn't have to mediate EVERY.SINGLE. OUTBURST. or argument a child ever has.

am i saying we don't need to explain how to treat people or things, how to be kind and compassionate to others NO i am not but honestly Joey is tuning you out after 10 seconds of "Now Joey when we yell at our friends blah blah blah...." most likely he wants to run and tell the other kid "you baby why you gotta be such a tattle tell". sure explain it to the kid quickly and let them play.

a really good friend once told me other moms aren't really watching your kids they are watching how you react to your kids. and honestly they are more worried about how there kids are acting then yours. she told me this because when i had one child i was always so worried what everyone thought of how my daughter acted because Lord forbid if she acted like a 3 year old when she was 3. don't get me wrong i still over react to alot of things but i think i have also let a lot of things go i am much more laid back then i used to be, and i know my friends are saying "oh my gosh i cant believe Raquel let her kids____" it is hard being a parent and trying to be perfect all the time.

so lets give it up ladies. cant we just encourage each other to be a good mom. stop being such a over achiever, most likely the other moms are talking about you when you leave anyway "she thinks her son/daughter is so perfect but all they are is a whiny baby" (j/k... kind of) seriously though cut yourself some slack not everything has to be such a serious issue.  i mean i am not striving for mother of the year i just don't want my kids to be rude, disrespectful, whiny or bratty.  other than that i will let them run, yell and get dirty they are 2, 5,6, and 11.

i am sure all my friends are crossing me off there playdate invites right about now...............

Last day of school

yesterday was the kids last day of school. it was bittersweet, with us homeschooling next year it was really the last day of school and Liz especially took it pretty hard.

this is Liz with her bff before school got out and after when they were bawling crying

last night my niece Sabrina graduated from HS!

and tonight Johnathan graduated from kindergarten. John and i both cried, it is so sad knowing Matthew should have been there. here is all the boys together.

and lastly here is Jake giving me a real smile in exchange for a drink of my Pepsi

pregnancy

*beware this is a long post

i am 22 weeks pregnant today, over half way. in just 17 weeks i will get to meet this sweet baby. this pregnancy has been SO emotional for me.

I am pretty sure this will be our last baby, this is my 4th c-section and although i know a few people who have had 4 or more c-sections my doctor does not seem very excited that i am not tying my tubes (John will get fixed when we decide the time is right).

Speaking of doctors i have had a ton of insurance issues this time and the insurance i was supposed to have for pregnancy keeps getting denied, i switched to this specific doctor because she accepts the insurance i was supposed to have. now that it looks like i wont get that insurance i made a appointment with my old ob which was SO nice. Maybe the Lord was putting those denials up for a reason and although we will now have to pay a few thousand dollars out of pocket my heart does feel a little more at peace about my delivery.

i think as women saying you are done having children is so final and we put so much identity in being a mom that it is a hard pill to swallow. I know for some when they are done they are done and they are fine with it but for others it is a very hard emotional decision even if they have lots of kids. The Lord could still change our minds (since mine is not even 50% convinced yet lol) but for now this is the way we are leaning. The other thing for me is age, i still feel so young to make such a big decision i will turn 30 the month before i have this baby and so many of my friends are not having babies until there 30's. anyway we will leave it up to God and he will confirm it either way i am sure.

i am so excited to be having a girl, but man i have been so overly emotional this pregnancy. i can cry at the drop of a hat and so many things get to me. my poor hubby, i tell ya is probably always on the edge of what he should say. 

Every time i am preggo i think alot about Matthew and it really makes me miss my baby boy. i constantly feel i am mourning the things i did not get to experience with him and at the same time excited about this new life that will join our family in a few months. it is weird how you can be so happy and so sad all at the same time. and it honestly is not one of those things you can talk about because people are weird about death, they want to pretend it never happened and i am sure they don't want to be sad so you deal with it at 11:44 PM all alone in your living room. The other day our pastor said something about grieving he said something like sometimes when you are grieving you need to just suck it up and move and do something, stop being sad. i get that i really do, i am not a crier really i am not BUT you can not predict when grief or memories will hit you. i was telling a friend the other day how i was feeling and how selfish i feel here i am pregnant with a baby that i am so excited about but still i feel so sad,  and she told me "It's so not about being selfish, but rather about loving Matthew" thanks Tara she said some other stuff that REALLY summed up how i am feeling right now that i will really cherish forever....

anyway emotions are so raw especially when you are pregnant. and please please don't take anything i said wrong i know there are tons of people who would give anything to have a baby they really would and i don't take for granted the blessing i am receiving but i still feel i can grieve the loss of my son even now 5 years later and probably for the rest of my life.

my life in pictures

well at least my life in the last couple of weeks since i had no computer.

The family is literally in the pool like everyday now. The water feels nice and warm but not hot yet.  Jake loves the water i am glad that he likes it, but i kind of like that he was afraid of it because he did not like to go near the pool not now he runs towards the pool. more than the pool he really loves the hose.

We had our last MOPS meeting last week. It was a good meeting and alot of the ladies shared what our group has meant to them which is always great to hear. I am excited for next year my friend Dani is co-coordinating with me so extra hands are almost always good. our leadership is actually growing from 8 of us, to 12 which should be fabulous!

Last week were the boys last field trips. John went on Thursday with Johnathan to a train field trip and i went on Friday with David to a zoo.

 

And as I mentioned in my last post Liz had a belated birthday party. she wanted to wait until it warmed up to have a pool party so we did it this past Friday and she had a great time.

So that is it about for now. i can not post our birth stories yet because i cant find the cd to my printer and i don't have the scanner programmed on this computer. and i want to be sure to have baby pictures of all the kids. anywho maybe i can find it tomorrow!

oh and............... I hope to have pictures of Liz's bathroom in the next few days because i have been working on it for a bit.

hello is this Mic on?

i think i say this with some confidence... that my computer seems to be up and running just fine now, hopefully for good but i wont be placing any bets on that anytime soon. but so far so good. i have had it since Friday but figured i would wait to post in case it decided to die again.

i have lots to share. someone (but i cant remember who) challenged me to post all my birth stories. something i have been wanting to do before i forget since my first born is 11 now. so maybe i will start with that tonight.

this weekend was fun Liz had a belated party and had about 15 of her friends over for swimming and food. she had a great time! the rest of the weekend was pretty low key, I met with my friend Dani and planned for our upcoming MOPS retreat, John worked on our room and we went to church. last night i play a card game called May I with some friends it was so fun, i love games! John and the kids swam. that is about it.

Our best friends Josh and Liz found out they are having twin boys! they had no idea so that was a fun call to get, i thought she was pulling my leg since she had already had a ultrasound before lol. Congrats Josh and Liz! maybe now you will start a blog Liz =)

Modern Technology............

this week has been so weird. our AC went out! OK i could stop there because that is horrible, especially in our town where last week was our first really warm week of the year it hit 105 on Sunday. luckily we have 2 AC units so the one on the kids side of the house still worked. so we did what any good parent would do and we made Liz move out into her brothers room and we hauled our mattress in there for a week. It was fixed yesterday after 7 nights.

THEN did i mention my computer is broke AGAIN! seriously it is almost funny (almost) luckily John hasn't taken his laptop back yet so i have still have access to the Internets.

in recent weeks this is what else has had issues dishwasher, cell phone and vacuum. and to top it off our washer went out OK just joking on the last one but you wouldn't be surprised would you.

on Monday it was supposed to be our last mops meeting and there was a chemical fire in the area so they had to close everything at church including school, the preschool and MOPS. i know seriously i am not going to Vegas this week my luck is not good. luckily we got to change it to Tuesday and for the most part it was a great turnout, we had women who shared what MOPS has meant to them, we got to honor our committees, we had worship time and we had lunch catered it really was a great day. My steer team gave me a target gift card and i already know what i am buying with it, it is for my backyard and i will show you all when i get it done.

Tomorrow John is going on a field trip with Johnathan his first one ever, i went to the same one with David last year and i am sure they will have a great time on the train trip. Johnathan is SO excited. Friday i am going on a field trip with David to a zoo about 2 hours away it should be fun i am sure Jake will love the animals. Also on Friday we are having a party for Liz since she never had a friend party for her birthday because she wanted to wait until it was warm so they could swim. so this week has been busy.

next week is the last week of school 2 full days then half day on Thursday and they are done. then we start preparing to homeschool........................... scary!!!!

i am hoping to get my laptop back tomorrow i really hope i do i have a ton to talk about on here but i need to show you all pics to go with them, including Liz's bathroom that i finally started painting since we have lived here a year!!!!

It's a...................

GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so excited!!! baby looked good and did not want to show us her gender but that tech got a few good looks, although i have no pictures to prove it lol. she said she wouldn't tell me unless she was 99% certain!

yay! we are going to have a Lily Grace!

the kids and John are so excited!

Tomorrow

is the big day! we get to find out what we are having. to say i am excited is a understatement of the year! i hate surprises so that is not a option! i hope the baby is healthy, i am always nervous before a ultrasound.

our AC is not working on our side of the house. i may die this week if it does not get fixed ASAP. it is supposed to be over a 100 degrees this week.

mothers day was alright, i had to cook and clean way to much! next year we will be going out i decided =) i thought about Matthew a lot this year so i was kind of in a weird mood for part of the day, but had to snap out of it, it is not fair to the rest of the kids for me to be grumpy.

8 things

Katie over at Three Blondes and a Redhead tagged me quite a while ago, but since the computer was down i couldn't get it done... until now!!!

8 things i look forward to:

1. Tuesday because i get to find out what gender the baby is!
2. Monday because i get to go to breakfast at the tea room for our moppets appreciation day, and to dinner with my steer team for our last supper together as our "old" leadership team.
3. naps. i still love them
4. Tomorrow because we are having insulation blown into our attic which will hopefully save us a good amount of money this summer!
5. school being out!!!
6. ordering curriculum and setting up my home schooling space
7. Mothers day so we can hang out with our moms and maybe i can sleep in???!!!
8. a date night with my Johnnie

8 things i did yesterday:

1. laundry! like 12 loads!!!
2. washed dishes
3. cooked dinner
4. picked up a prescription for Johnnie
5. had a ice cream (which i normally do not like but this was good!)
6. played airplanes with Jake
7. stayed up very late
8. watched survivor and read blogs

8 things i wish i could do

1. sing
2. dance
3. wake up early in the morning and like it
4. take great pictures
5. be more patient
6. stick to a diet- lose like a 100 pounds
7. sew
8. play tennis

8 shows i watch (i heart my DVR so i watch a lot of TV, and i don't sleep much!)

1. Top Chef!!! my favorite
2. the view (i know! but i love it)
3. Oprah
4. survivor
5. project runway (cant wait for this to come back on!!!)
6. CSI (the only Johnnie and I both like!)
7. biggest loser
8. Rachel Ray

and i could have named a ton more. i know i have no life.

ok so i am hoping you all will join me

8 friends...

1. Lynette
2. Dani
3. Emily
4. Tara
5. Teri
6. Rossie
7. Katie
8. Kristin

Did you miss me?!!!

ha! my computer is finally working! well actually i got it back a few days ago but i wanted to make sure it was going to work for a few days before i got back to blogging. i have so much to share i am not sure where to start. so why start now i will be back tonight to give a recap ad i have some pictures too.

It's been a while

since i have posted. my computer is still at the shop. i got it back for one day and it quit working, hopefully it will be fixed by tomorrow. John has let me use his computer but i cant download my pictures, or read my email correctly which really frustrates me, but i am thankful none the less. i have been reading blogs but not posting because i rather post through reader.

anywho we have been keeping busy. last weekend i went out of town for a quick trip for MOPS it was fun but when i say quick it seems like we spent more time in the car then visiting. The meeting it self was good though.

This weekend i went to a women's luncheon for church and i won 2 prizes a GC for a store here in town and a bingo basket.

other than that we have just been doing the normal stuff. May is a super busy month, school is wrapping up and the kids have lots of stuff going on.

i hope to be back to regular posting very soon